All Alone and Messed Up... [Open to all]

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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Holly’s life was pretty messed up at the moment. She’d returned to her hideout only three days ago after going to the market to get supplies to find her ‘friends’ dead and some even missing. The ones that were left behind had been drained completely of blood. It hit her harder than she thought, she’d broken down, curled into a ball and cried for a day straight before she’d finally knocked some sense into herself and told herself not to cry. They would have gone out fighting; she knew that, what shocked her most is how much she missed them. She hadn’t even realised that she had formed that close of a bond with them; they had almost been like…. Family. Wow, all these years of shutting herself away and blocking off all emotions were catching up to her, making her suffer. She had pulled herself together somehow and had grabbed the gear she’d needed before disappearing from her hideout, vampires knew where it was now, and might come back to check that there were no humans about. She’d heard that they sometimes did that from an old friend before, a few years ago.

Now she was in the forest, on the move through the night, it was dangerous, because the vampires out here would have full powers, but right now, she couldn’t give to living shits. She was crying again as she walked, thankful that she’d never taken up the habit of putting on make-up, then she’d look like a walking doodle. She adjusted her bag on her arm, shining the torch beam in from of her to see where she was going. It was darker than she’d expected in here, much darker. Holly wasn’t afraid of the dark, it was just creepy, and even more dangerous because she’d never see the vampires coming. Even though she had her gun on her. She was in a pair of black jeans, a long, black coat with the hood up and of course, her boots. The dark clothing would help her blend into the background hopefully, but the torch light would give her away. Her finger was on the button near the head of the torch in case she needed to switch it off quickly, which she might. Her mind was elsewhere as she walked quickly over the fallen twigs and leaves on the forest floor, her mind in a happier place. At home, with her parents, not walking through some dark, damp forest at night where fat drops of rain fell through the holes in the canopy above. Her clothing was damp from the rain, it was getting heavier by the second.

Holly wasn’t cold as per say, her toes were numb in her boots but all the walking she was doing was keeping her warm. And she didn’t get cold that easily. It was just something about her body that kept her warm, maybe it was always because she was on the move, even when she was at hideouts. She’d walk around, checking that everyone was okay and that they needed everything. Thinking about the hideouts and people she had lost brought on a fresh wave of tears and they slid down her cheeks, instantly chilling as the cold air hit them, battling against her warm cheeks. It was already eleven o’clock at night, but she could get a few more hours of walking in, she wasn’t even tired, all this walking was keeping her awake. But, with a little bit of coffee, she could keep going until morning and even longer after that. She had all the necessary equipment in the heavy backpack on her back which was weighting her down. Usually, when she moved around with a group, they shared the weight of all the equipment, but she was the only one left now. She sighed a little, using the hand that wasn’t gripping a strap of the bag to wipe away the tears, but more just followed. She sniffed, her nose snotty, the headache getting worse. If anything attacked right now, she’d probably be an easy catch.

This whole thing was burning a hole in her chest, a very painful whole which threatened to destroy her. She knew why, she'd actually gotten attached to those people dead in their hideout back there. She'd let herself get attached, and had even started fancying one of the men there, they'd chatted and had a little fun with everyone. 7 people, all dead or at this moment having all the blood drawn from them slowly. Amongst the dead was a woman Holly had known quite well, and she had been pregnant. Holly had found her locked in a toilet cubicle, her stomach ripped open and the baby missing, blood had stained the floor. Holly had raced to the next cubicle to be sick. That was horrible, what sort of inhuman monster would do that?! She knew the answer to that before she'd even asked the question: A vampire.

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”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

Lyrics: Cut by Plumb

Word Count:681

Anything else: Not really, I always spoke about killing Holly’s friends at the hide out and now I have! Now I have! I’m evil… xD

The Boots: Clicky here!

The Gun:Clicky here!

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

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Mal happened to be wondering through the woods, looking for any humans, when he stumbled across the bodies. They were everywhere, just thrown about carelessly. Lifeless carcass's spread all around, slaughtered. It disgusted him to the point he though he was actually going to vomit for a moment. Who would do this? Even a vampire was expected to have some heart. After all, they were still living, thinking beings. They still had conscious.

Or maybe they didn't. Not all of them, anyway. After all, his family had been murdered by vampires just the same as these people had. That was over 60 people, gone within a day. His whole life, his friends, family, even a girl he loved, gone. Just like that. All at the hands of vampires.

Suddenly mall wanted to ht something, hit something hard. So many lives lost, and for what? For fun? Obviously not all of these people were used as food. It was vulgar. And he couldn't look at it anymore. He bowed his head in sorrow before continuing on his way, this time with more purpose in his step. The possibility that there had been any survivors from this massacre was slim, but it was still there. He would not rest tonight until he found someone. And if t took him weeks, then god-dammit, he would be in this place for weeks.

Though it would appear he wouldst have to. Mal froze when he heard other steps, just ahead of him. Another human? Or a vampire? In case it was the latter, Mal reached for his gun silently. It wouldn't kill a vampire, but it would stun him or her long enough for him to either A) maybe get away, or B) stab the sonoffabitch with a tree branch.

But if it was a vampire, wouldn't Mal be dead already? He was a fairly easy target in these woods (something he hated to admit, despite how true it was), so why wait? Which left only one option. Whoever was ahead of him was human. Thank God.

He started walking more silently, careful to make sure whoever was ahead of him(he could only find them at this point by sound, not by sight), couldn't hear his steps. If everything went well, he would be bringing another human home. Another member of his dying race.

Mal got a feeling of Deja-vu suddenly. Only a few weeks ago, he had been chasing down another human in these very same woods. A woman by the name of Tallie. He'd been on her tail for hours before he'd finally caught up with her. And when he did, it had practically given her a heart attack.

He began to catch up with the other human, and suddenly he could see her. Defiantly a her. And she was crying, although obviously trying to stop. She must be a survivor of what had happened back at the camp he'd stumbled upon. His heart went out to her. No one should have to witness what she must have. Mal knew what it felt like to have people close to you be attacked by bloodthirsty vampires. And it wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

Mal silently moved ahead of her, quickening his steps. She hadn't heard him yet, which was good. He didn't want her shooting that pretty little gun of hers at him anytime soon. That would be cause for some major issues. And he wasn't in the mood to fight with anyone. He slid his gun back into its holster. There wasn't any need for it right now.

He stepped out of the shadows, and into her path. "Don't shoot me, darlin'. I'm human, just like you." He said in a soft tone, his slight Texan accent coloring his words a bit. "Its okay, I'm a friend." And to prove his words true, he pulled his knife out of his pocket, making his movements slow. Then, switching the blade open, he sliced one of his fingers, only slightly, open to show that he could bleed. That he was, in fact, a friend of hers. Or, at least, he could be.

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You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:676
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:This sucker was really hard to code!

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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Holly didn’t hear anyone near, she was too wrapped up in her little world, and the only thing keeping her attached to this world was the heavy backpack on her back, the straps digging into her shoulders and something hard on the backpack sticking into her back. She was close to just crawling into a ball and staying that way for the rest of her life. Why was she still here? Why couldn’t the vampires have attacked when she had been there? She often asked herself how long she could run for before they caught up with her, before they either killed her or turned her into a vampire. She’d rather die than become a vampire, but you wouldn’t really have a choice if a vampire was calling the shots. She shifted the bag a little, the pain making her look up. She froze in mid step, there was a guy standing in front of her. Her free hand went to her gun and she pulled it out its holster.

"Don't shoot me, darlin'. I'm human, just like you,” he said in a soft tone, something that might have made Holly mad in the past. She hated that sort of voice, that’s the Why-Don’t-You-Talk-To-Me-Like-I’m-Five voice. Holly didn’t let go of her gun, she still didn’t trust him. She’d come across vampires that had pretended to be human before and in the semi darkness, she couldn’t tell if he was a vampire or a human. The torch clasped in her hand which was holding a bag strap flicked up to his face. She took a good look at his face through blurry, puffy and red eyes. She sniffed a little.

"Its okay, I'm a friend,”

[/i] he continued, but Holly still didn’t trust him. In her weakened and saddened state everything was different, the opposite of what it would have been if she wasn’t crying or her body numb because of the pain in her chest. The said pain was still increasing with each breath she took. Holly took a step back when he pulled out a flick knife and raised her gun a little, but all he did was slice his finger slightly, showing her he could bleed. Human, defiantly human. holly swallowed and put her gun away, tucking her damp hair behind her ear as she looked at his face, the rain getting heavier, this time accompanied by a light wind.

”Well, I wouldn’t be,” she said to him in a thick voice because she had been crying. ”My friends tend to die on me.”

The hole in her chest flared with pain and a fresh wave of tears poured over her cheeks and dropped off her cheeks onto her already-wet coat. She didn’t care that she was crying in front of a guy, she didn’t care that she was numb all over and wet. She didn’t care about anything, there was nothing left for her. Everyone around her died, and she has never been able to save them. never. It was her fault those people back there were dead, it was her fault her parents died and then her next carers and then all the people she had known over the years. All of them have died, and it was her fault. She sniffed again as more tears rolled down her cheeks, her throat thick and sore, her headache getting worse with each wave.
[/blockquote]

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”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

Lyrics: Cut by Plumb

Word Count:566

Anything else: I was actually crying when I wrote this for some reason, don’t ask why.

The Boots: Clicky here!

The Gun:Clicky here!

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

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"Well, I wouldn’t be. My friends tend to die on me.” The girl replied when she finally came to the realization that Mal was human. "Are you referring to the blood painted ground back there? Were they your friends? I'm sorry that happed to them. It looked pretty terrible. And I'm sorry you had to see that."

Although it was raining, it was easy to tell that tear were falling from her eyes. He took a step forward. Being in the rain like this was going to get them both sick. And she wasn't even wearing a jacket. Luckily, his was leather, and therefore provided heat even i the rain. He took it off and set it around her shoulders . "We should get out of here." Mal said.

If he had been younger, or maybe if she was older, this gesture, putting his coat around her, would have been considered romantic. It was a classic move, really. Guy meets girl,girl is alone and crying, guy offers coat for comfort, while he secretly has something else in mind.

But this girl was way too young for Mal. He'd be considered a pedophile for even thinking about her in any romantic way, and would absolutely loathe himself for it. And besides, he wasn't looking for that kind of love. Not anymore. He was much to old . Now he only worried about friends or family, his race. He considered any human part of his family now. Including this crying girl.

'C'mon. I have a small camp set up not to far from here. And if it stops raining in the morning, I can take you up to the Main Station." His eyes were gentle as he spoke, an old, wise compassion echoing in their blue depths.

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You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:291
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:Im sorry its soooo short!

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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"Are you referring to the blood painted ground back there? Were they your friends? I'm sorry that happened to them. It looked pretty terrible. And I'm sorry you had to see that." he said.

”Don’t, okay?” Holly immediately said after he’d stopped talking. It was bad enough thinking about it; she really didn’t want to talk about it, let alone to a stranger who must have just been at her camp. She swallowed harshly through her thick throat and looked at the floor. She glanced back to him when she saw him move, he was pulling off his jacket, leather by the looks of it. She flinched a little when he set it around her shoulders, although she liked that. Very… what was the right word? Romantic? Cheesy? What? Holly couldn’t put her finger on it right now. She looked up at his face and sighed a little.

"We should get out of here. 'C'mon. I have a small camp set up not too far from here. And if it stops raining in the morning, I can take you up to the Main Station." he said as she watched his face.

”I don’t want to go to Main Station,” Holly told him. She knew what was there, or rather, who was there. Katherine and her group. That was the last thing Holly needed, a bunch of people all trying to cheer her up. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts and left somewhere dark to die. She hadn’t hurt this much in years, even since her carers died by a vampire attack. What she really wanted was a dark hole to just crawl into and die, somewhere remote and alone, where vampires couldn’t even find her. They had fucked up her life royally. She didn’t want this life anymore, who would? Constantly losing friends, no family, constantly on the move? Who the hell would want that?! No-one, no-one would want that kind of life. Holly’s parents wouldn’t want her to be like this, neither would her carers. They’d want her to be happy. But look at her now… Dripping wet, crying with a huge hole in her chest where her heart should have been. Worst still she was hurt physically as well. She had punched a tree when she’d come to her senses after crying for hours and bruised and cut her knuckles. She hadn’t even bothered to sort them out.

Holly looked down at her knuckles now. Blood covered the back of her hand completely, and dripped off the ends of her fingers when it mixed rain drops. She’d probably left a trail from the dead camp to where she was standing now, but she really didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything, nothing even mattered to her now. She breathed in shakily and glanced around the forest, trying to take her mind of things, but all it did was give her chance to think. This caused more tears to roll down her wet cheeks. She shifted the heavy bag on her back again and looked back at the man’s face. She’d never seen him before, that was for sure, but then again she seemed to be meeting a lot of new people lately, Katherine, a guy that had been in her group two days before he’d died and now this guy. Where were they all coming from? Must be overseas or something like that, Holly had never been to any other country, only certain places in America. Mostly she stuck to these parts because they were close to a human’s market where she could get food for her group… when she actually had one.

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”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:610/i]
Anything else: I’m really evil for doing this to her, aren’t I?
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

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”Don’t, okay?” she said. Her voice sounded tired, and.... final, somehow. Like she was done, fed up with the world and all it had dished out to her.

Mal couldn't blame her. "Okay." He replied quietly. If she didn't want his sorrow, that was fine. But she would still get his help. He was not going to leave a poor defenseless girl alone out in this vampire infested forest. No way, no how. It wasn't in his nature to do such a thing.

”I don’t want to go to Main Station,” she replied to his offer of taking her there. Oh, so she'd heard of it? She had met Katherine, and her group of humans then. It made sense to him, then, why she wouldn't want to go. Awaiting her, if she went back to the station, would be a bunch a goopy sympathetics who would try to make her feel better. If she had rejected Mal's sympathy, he supposed she would be irritated by anyone else's too. Well, that was fine with him. Didn't change a thing about him leaving her alone, though.

"Thats fine. Wúlùn nǐ yīnggāi gēn wǒ lái," he replied in Chinese. Regardless, you should come with me. He knew she wouldn't understand his words, but he figured she would probably get the gist of what Mal had been saying. His intentions had been pretty clear.

"My name is Malcolm Reynolds. But you can call me Mal." He said, his voice leveling out, losing its gentle you're-a-three-year-old-tone. Not harsh, just not uber gooey either. It annoyed him when he had to talk to people like that.

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You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:267
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:And it keeps getting shorter and shorter... so sorry

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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Holly sighed a little, the pain of her knuckles starting to shine through the pain from her heart now that she had noticed it. She didn’t care anyway; she had literally given up, on everything. Herself, this world, everything. This guy, she knew he was trying to be nice, but at the moment she didn’t want sympathy or niceness, she wanted her friends, her family! Fuck, she wanted the whole world to just be normal!

"That’s fine. Wúlùn nǐ yīnggāi gēn wǒ lái,", he said after she’d practically snapped at him. Was that… Chinese? This guy knew Chinese?! Holly was shocked a little, no offense to the guy but he didn’t seem the type of guy to know Chinese. He looked like the kind of guy you’d find had the head of a massive international cooperation. Like a phone company, or a company that dealt with sports stuff.

"My name is Malcolm Reynolds. But you can call me Mal." he told her, his voice losing the You’re-Talking-To-A-Five-Year-Old-Tone which Holly hated. She wasn’t five, she may look younger than her 29 years of age, but she wasn’t five, she didn’t need to be spoken like that too.

”Well, hi, Mal, Holly said to him. ”I’m Holly, and seriously, you can talk to me as much as you want in Chinese, but it won’t change my mind. I just need… some time alone, you know, with my thoughts. I get what you’re trying to do, I swear, but it’s my fault they’re dead. It’s always my fault.

New tears rolled down her cheeks. She held back a sob that bubbled on her lips.

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”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

[shadow=red,left,300] Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:272
Anything else: Its really short! I’m so sorry!
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds [/shadow]

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

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”Well, hi, Mal, I’m Holly, and seriously, you can talk to me as much as you want in Chinese, but it won’t change my mind. I just need… some time alone, you know, with my thoughts. I get what you’re trying to do, I swear, but it’s my fault they’re dead. It’s always my fault."

"I dont know what int the dìyù you're smoking, girl, but what happened back there"- he jabbed a finger behind him, towards the bodies the ruthless vampires had left behing-"is not your fault. I don't care what you say. Unless you personally grew fangs and suddenly developed freakish strength, you are in no way responsible for that." He seized her gently by the shoulders, a forceful gleam in his eyes. He couldn't believe she would try to shoulder the blame of all those people's deaths on herself. Actually, he could understand it, as he'd done it before, and usually did it every time he came across a human he couldn't save. It broke his heart each and ever time. But he always eventually came to the realization that there was nothing he could do. "Dont you go thinking I'm trying to make you feel better, either. I'm not. I'm just telling you how it is, Ms.Holly. It aint no ones fault those people are dead, save for the vamps that killed them. It is their blame to bear, theirs and theirs alone. You hear me?"

And as for what she had said about knowing what he was doing, he wasn't so sure. If possible, he would like to make a friend out of Holly, and that what it must have seemed like he was trying to do. But he wasn't. His purpose was to keep her alive, that was it. Weather she liked him or not was irrelevant. Mal had a job to do, and he was going to do it, regardless of what Holly thought she needed.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts. I wont say another word, even, if thats what you want. You wont hear so much as a anjìng de zàoyīn out of me, promise. But I cant leave you here alone, Ms.Holly. Its against my moral code, and it sure wouldn't be gentlemen like of me, leaving a lady along in a place like this, now would it?"

Although Mal would stick by her until he was positive she was safe no matter what the circumstances, the still hoped she wouldn't hate him for it. Mal hated making enemies, whether they e necessary or no.

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You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:421
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:Lolz, dont worry about short posts.Mine are usually pathetically sort....

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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"I don’t know what int the dìyù you're smoking, girl, but what happened back there is not your fault. I don't care what you say. Unless you personally grew fangs and suddenly developed freakish strength, you are in no way responsible for that," he said to her, grasping her shoulders.

Holly didn’t believe him, she was responsible for that disaster that happened back there. Even if she didn’t personally kill them, she wasn’t there for them when they really needed her. She’d told them she’d keep them safe… but she didn’t. she let them die! She hadn’t been there for them and that was what was tearing her apart. She promised them – promised them – that she would keep them safe, keep them away from the vampires, but she had broken that promise like she had many times before. She didn’t even know why she made the promises any more, death followed her like a bad smell, killing everything she found or belonged to. she didn’t want to unleash her back luck of this caring guy in front of her, or Katherine and her group. She’d get them killed, and what was left of the humans needed to stay alive for the good of the world!

"Don’t you go thinking I'm trying to make you feel better, either. I'm not. I'm just telling you how it is, Ms. Holly. It aint no one’s fault those people are dead, save for the vamps that killed them. It is their blame to bear, theirs and theirs alone. You hear me?" he continued.

Holly still didn’t believe him. He was right in everything, it wasn’t her fault, it was the vampires, but Holly couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt. She was blaming herself for the attack and she didn’t fully understand why, it was all she could think about.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts. I won’t say another word, even, if that’s what you want. You won’t hear so much as a anjìng de zàoyīn out of me, promise. But I can’t leave you here alone, Ms. Holly. Its against my moral code, and it sure wouldn't be gentlemen like of me, leaving a lady along in a place like this, now would it?"

”Look, Mal, I know you mean good in all this, but people die around me,” Holly told him in a voice that was cracking and shaking as more tears rolled down her cheeks. ”That’s how its always been, it started with my parents, then with some other people that looked after me and now with everyone I find. They all die because I’m not there to help them. Death follows me and I don’t want to bring it down on you-“ she pointed a bloody finger at him ”-or anyone else! You’ll all die, people always do around me! I’m better off on my own, alone, just by myself, with no-one around me that can die.

Holly bit her lip, looking up at his face. It was only then that she realised he was taller than her.

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”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

[shadow=red,left,300] Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:511
Anything else: Crappy post, I know! I’m so sorry, shoot me now!
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds [/shadow]

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

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”Look, Mal, I know you mean good in all this, but people die around me. That’s how its always been, it started with my parents, then with some other people that looked after me and now with everyone I find. They all die because I’m not there to help them. Death follows me and I don’t want to bring it down on you or anyone else! You’ll all die, people always do around me! I’m better off on my own, alone, just by myself, with no-one around me that can die.” Holly said, pointing a finger, which he had just now noticed had blood on it. In fact, her entire hand had blood on it, and her knuckled were scrapped open. What had she done to herself? Punched a gorram tree?

"Shàngdì gāisǐ, nǚrén, nǐ tīng wǒ?" He muttered frustratingly. She wasn't listening to him! "Death follows all of us! Not just you. You dont think I have seen my good share of the grim reapers making? Because let me tell you princess, I have." He hadn't shouted at her, but he'd come pretty close, and he really hated being rude to people.Mal took a breath and softened his voice some.

When she looked up at him, Mal had the feeling he was looking at a child and a woman at the same time. A child, so scared and confused and alone. But a woman because of the amount of grief the eyes carried, and how worn her expression was. She'd seen her share of the world, and it hand been a very good share. His heart went out to her. God, he knew the feeling. "I lost my family too, Holly. It was my job to look out for them, and I couldn't. I have to carry around the same weight you do. I lost them. Over sixty lives I loved, I cherished them, and they slipped from my grip." He swallowed, images of his family, smiling happily flashing through his mind.

And then.. limbs. Limbs everywhere. Slewn across his barn, and in his house, in his room. And his younger sister Marie's face looking at him like he was steak, yummy and juicy and delicious. The stake he'd rammed through her heart out of sheer panic. Her sobbing figure in his arms as she apologized while she died.

Yes, he knew the grief she carried within her heart. He knew how much it hurt, bearing the weight of so many deaths. But he knew that if she carried that weight around by herself for too long, it would crush her.

"You cant look out for everyone Holly. Its impossible. Even Katherine cant do it alone, though she tries to. She hads her week moments, we all do. I want you t listen to me. Death follows you around, yes. But it follows us all around. It follows me, it chases Katherine, it hunts down nice people like Billie-"he used Billie as a reference, though he didnt think Holly would know who that was"- You cant stop it. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner that pain you are feeling will become more tolerable."

Malcolm tilted his head toward the sky, and then said,"What do you say we continue this conversation under... dryer circumstances?"

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You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:543
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:Finally finished... sorry for the wait

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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"Death follows all of us! Not just you. You don’t think I have seen my good share of the grim reapers making? Because let me tell you princess, I have,” he said to her, nearly shouting. Holly flinched away from his words and swallowed harshly again. She was listening, but all the crappy stuff that had happened to her lately was clouding her brain, making everything that little bit harder to understand or take in. she wanted to take in what he was saying, make herself understand, but she couldn’t.

"I lost my family too, Holly. It was my job to look out for them, and I couldn't. I have to carry around the same weight you do. I lost them. Over sixty lives I loved, I cherished them, and they slipped from my grip." Holly watched him swallow and then watched his face as he looked like he was lost in his mind, maybe memories, Holly guessed, it happened to her most of the time she spoke about her family and the people she had been ‘looking’ out for in the past. She’d never looked out for them, she’d let them die. She hadn’t been there for them even after she promised. So many promises broken in her life time, she’d lost count of how many broken promises she had under her belt. Along with that, so many lives that she had been unable to save, man, child and woman, all dead because of her stupidness. Hell, there was a woman lying back at camp with her stomach ripped open and her baby missing!

"You cant look out for everyone Holly. Its impossible. Even Katherine cant do it alone, though she tries to. She hads her week moments, we all do. I want you t listen to me. Death follows you around, yes. But it follows us all around. It follows me, it chases Katherine, it hunts down nice people like Billie. You cant stop it. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner that pain you are feeling will become more tolerable."

”Mal, I let people die!” Holly told him. “I promised I’d keep them safe and next thing you know, they’re dead, just like everyone else! I promised to keep them save, make sure they actually lived a life that wasn’t in a test tube, being drained of blood. I promised to make sure they’d never be bitten, never become a vampire! I let them down!”

Holly let a sob escape her lips as she looked up to his face. She’d never spoken to anyone about this before, never. She’d never felt the need to, and now she was telling some random guy who she didn’t even know apart from his name. The weight of everything on her shoulders didn’t get any lighter. She rubbed the skin on the back of her hand just below the gashes on her knuckles and fingers from where she’d tried to take down a fully grown tree with just her hand. Pain flared up her arm and she winced. There was a first aid kit in her bag, she’d find it later, when she found a hole she could crawl into and die. Holly watched as Mal looked up at the pitch black sky.

”What do you say we continue this conversation under... dryer circumstances?" he asked.

”You go and find shelter,” Holly told him. ”I’m just gonna keep walking, you know, until I reach the next town and find a place to stay… alone. If you see Katherine, tell her I said hi, will you?”

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*******************************************
”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

[shadow=red,left,300] Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:597
Anything else: Crappy post, I know! I’m so sorry, shoot me now!
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds [/shadow]

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

*************************

"Mal, I let people die!” She exclaimed.“I promised I’d keep them safe and next thing you know, they’re dead, just like everyone else! I promised to keep them save, make sure they actually lived a life that wasn’t in a test tube, being drained of blood. I promised to make sure they’d never be bitten, never become a vampire! I let them down!” Malcolm sighed. They weren't going to get anywhere with this argument. Because in some ways, although he hated to admit it, she was right.

It wasn't a fair promise to make, telling people you'd keep them alive. Because in those words, you take on the responsibilities of another's life,even when you cant truly be sure of your own. And to do it on a mass scale like Holly had, or like Malcolm had do many years ago, it was impossible, and a promise that would be forced to be broken. He'd learned from then to never swear the safety of another humans life, for it was an impossible thing to assure. The deed was noble, but the result was heartbreaking, and he knew that now.

"You go and find shelter. I’m just gonna keep walking, you know, until I reach the next town and find a place to stay… alone. If you see Katherine, tell her I said hi, will you?”

Mal stared at her for a moment. Holly looked strong, yet so small at the same time. A brave little girl, forced into the world with a savage cruelty. She'd had to suck up her own feelings and provide the safety of others, the will to survive dwindling, but not quite yet gone. She had the same spirit Mal once had six years ago.

"Im sorry, Ms.Holly, but I cant let you go. You see, darlin', I see a lot of myself in you, and if Im correct, you dont want to go find the nearest town at all. You want to find a nice little hole where you can spend the rest of your life crawled up in and die miserable to recompensate for those people you swore to protect. Am I right?" Mal raised an eyebrow at her.

*************************

You find someone to carry you

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Word Count:360
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO short!!! Im so so so sosososososo sorry!!!!

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
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"I’m sorry, Ms. Holly, but I cant let you go. You see, darlin', I see a lot of myself in you, and if I’m correct, you don’t want to go find the nearest town at all. You want to find a nice little hole where you can spend the rest of your life crawled up in and die miserable to recompensate for those people you swore to protect. Am I right?" he told Holly.

She looked up to his face; did he really see himself in her? Did that mean inside her was just like her, broken, alone and with no idea what to do next? He was right, in so many ways, Holly just wanted to crawl up somewhere cold and let the world pass over her, let time forget her, let herself… die! After all these years of managing just to keep herself alive, now she wanted to die, to go to hopefully a better place and see her parents again, the friends she lost, the people she had come to love before they were torn from her in a violent struggle. She didn’t see no reason to live now, she’d let so many people down after promising them, she’d killed the inhuman and the human who was hours away from becoming the inhuman! Her heart and soul felt like it was devided into two: the good side and the bad side, the side that wanted to save humans and the side that wanted to kill vampires. Right now, they were both fighting for her mind, the bad side telling her to live, the good side telling her to let herself die, to let herself pass on.

Holly nodded numbly to him. ”I feel like just letting go,” she said to him, another tear rolling down her cheek. b[]”There’s no reason for me to live. I’ve let too many people down to have a reason. What kind of a life is that? Letting down every person you meet even after promsing time after time to keep them safe?

[/b][/colour] She sucked in a lung full of cool air and sighed it out.

She bit her lip and looked down at the ground. She felt torn in two right now, a black hole where her heart was, blood from her knuckles rolling down her fingers and dripping onto the ground below. She must have been a mess. Usually, Holly would try to at least look a little nice, but right now she could waltz around in a bunny costume with her ass hanging out and she really wouldn’t care. her appearance didn’t matter to her right now, and probably never would again. Nothing like that mattered to her again, all that mattered was she would get somewhere remote, and alone so she couldn’t hurt anyone else, so no-one else could have a promise said to them that would never keep. But how long could she hide before someone found her? Nowhere was safe anymore, the vampires would find her one day or another human, someone she could hurt.

”Mal, how long can be run before everything just ends?" she asked. ”How long can we run for before the world catches up with us?”

Holly brushed back some of her fringe out of her face when it fell down from behind her ear. She used the hand covered in blood which resulted in her brushing blood over her left cheek bone as she slid the hair behind her left ear.
[/blockquote]

************************************************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*******************************************
”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:580
Anything else: Sorry its so short! And sorry for the wait!
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds

[Malcolm Reynolds]

When you cant run
YOU CRAWL
And when you cant do that

*************************

Her expression told Mal that he was right. She was ready to give up on life, and everything it held. And his suspicions where confirmed when Holly nodded her head at him, the depth of her heartbreak screaming at him from within her eyes.

”I feel like just letting go. There’s no reason for me to live. I’ve let too many people down to have a reason. What kind of a life is that? Letting down every person you meet even after promsing time after time to keep them safe?" She asked him. It was a fair question, he supposed. But he had an answer, as always. "Its a life, Holly. Thats the point. Regardless of what that entails, its a life."

He lifted his head toward the puring rain again, though this time just to feel it on his skin. Talking about life always made Mal feel old, like he'd had too much of it already. If he could, he would take years off of his own life and give them to people like Holly and Katherine, people who truly needed it. Because if he was being honest to himself, he had to admit that he was actually getting old. Sure, thirty-five wasn't ancient, but it sure as heck wasn't twenty-five either.

”Mal, how long can be run before everything just ends? How long can we run for before the world catches up with us?” Holly was asking him, and he gave the question some thought before answering. She wiped a strand of hair away with her bad hand, leaving blood on her cheek. Mal focused on the red, seeing the blood of the many lives he lost to the vampires as he spoke.

"We run... we run until there is no more breath in our lungs. Until the beats in our hearts stop drumming. Until our legs give out from under us, and we can not see any longer because our faces are in the mud and we cannot lift them back up again. But if we can, we never stop running from the world you speak of, Holly." His eyes softened when he spoke, hoping to give her some encouragement and support. "When you cant run, you crawl. And when you cant do that, you find someone to carry you."

He held out his hand, another offering for her to join him. He was beginning to care for this girl, so lost and stranded and in obvious need of help. And if she would let him, Mal would be there for her to get her out of this.

*************************

You find someone to carry you

*************************

Word Count:427
Tagged: Holly Mae Smiths
Muse: Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly
Clothes: Click Heeeeeeere!!
Anything else:Sorry it took me so long!

[Holly Mae Smiths]

”With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore.”
*******************************************
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"It’s a life, Holly. That’s the point. Regardless of what that entails, it’s a life."

Holly did have to admit, he had a point. Everything shit in her life that had happened, it was just life. No-one had ever told her that life would be happy and cheerful all the time. She wished someone had told her what it was like though, maybe she would have been able to build a barrier against this pain that threatened to tear her apart inside and out. She wanted life to be one of those books she’d read, where life was simple, love existed on every street corner and everyone ended up with a happy ending. But life would never be like that, not ever, they were just books, a figment of people’s imagination that they had written down. Those imaginary worlds and people didn’t exist, there was no Bella Swan or Jace Wayland, they didn’t exist. Holly often wondered what life would be like if none of this had happened. Her parents would be alive for one, all the humans that had died would still be alive, the vampires would never have taken control of the world.

Holly watched him look at the sky and wondered how old he was. He looked older than herself, everyone looked older than herself, but he didn’t look that much older. She wouldn’t get to find out, though, she was going to be leaving him soon so she wouldn’t get him killed. She got everyone killed, if that was life, then it was a pretty fucked up life. She wondered what she’d done to be dealt this hand in life, she’d never killed an innocent, she’d never been naughty as a kid, she’d never done anything that should have given her this life… or so she thought.

"We run... we run until there is no more breath in our lungs. Until the beats in our hearts stop drumming. Until our legs give out from under us, and we can not see any longer because our faces are in the mud and we cannot lift them back up again. But if we can, we never stop running from the world you speak of, Holly."

Holly listened to his words and took them in. the guy did have a point, all they could do was run and never give up, but all this running had worn Holly down over the years. Having been running from such a young age she’d been worn out over the years. The fighting, the running and the loss had taken its toll on her and she wondered how much fight was left in her. Not a lot since she just wanted to let the world go, go and climb into a ditch to die, just to leave this world that seemed to hate her behind for something better, anything would be better than this world. For her anyways… She didn’t want this life anymore, this life that she had fought so hard to keep, she just wanted to go back in time and make sure she died with her family and then more people would be alive, the people she had gotten killed would be alive. Holly looked up into his soft eyes and sighed a little, another fat tear rolling down her cheek.

"When you cant run, you crawl. And when you cant do that, you find someone to carry you."

She looked down at his hand when he stretched it out towards him. Maybe this guy could help her, get her back on track somehow, make her feel… human again maybe. Right now, she felt like a big ball of pain, the two main spots of pain in her heart and her knuckles. She reached forwards with her clean, undamaged hand and took his, squeezing it lightly as a small smile appeared on her lips. She looked up at him.

”Thanks, Mal,” she said to him.

************************************************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*******************************************
”And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye.”

Lyrics: Cut by Plumb
Word Count:656
Anything else: Sorry its short! xD And don’t worry about it! Anything I would have written yesterday would have been hilarious, I was high!
The Boots: Clicky here!
The Gun: Clicky here!
Tagged:Malcolm Reynolds